So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
