I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love you.
Bad choice
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