my shit smells like andre
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
