Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
