I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
