i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
