My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
