Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Welp...herpes.
i love accidental penises.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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