It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
