sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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