This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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