On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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