Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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