yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
