I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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