in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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