Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
