You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
