This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
