At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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