She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
