i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
