Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
