I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
