Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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