Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
