dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
