I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
