i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
