so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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