i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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