I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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