"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I party with great urgency now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
