you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
