i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
