My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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