i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
