Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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