At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
