I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
