The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
