3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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