Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
