tell your sister to shave her snatch
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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