after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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