I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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