My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
