I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
