Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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