Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
