well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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